


Strangers

by orangesandlemons



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, More Alicia/Will's Ghost than Alicia/Will exactly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangesandlemons/pseuds/orangesandlemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written to sweetjamielee's prompt in her Everything Changes 2014 TGW ficathon: "Kalinda has always found it easier to fuck strangers, so in a way it's better now that Alicia has become one."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in season five after Will's death. To be honest I haven't watched season 5 in awhile so I can't remember if there's anything in canon that contradicts this as a things-that-happened-offscreen sort of thing. If there is, consider this AU.

Two weeks after Will's death, Alicia showed up at Kalinda's doorstep for the first time in more than two years. Shocked, Kalinda only had time to open her mouth when Alicia cut her off. “I need you to take me to the bedroom,” she said, “and I need you to fuck me. And _don't talk_.” 

Kalinda studied Alicia's face – blank, closed-down – for half a second. Then she opened the door wordlessly, and Alicia shoved past her toward the bedroom. Kalinda followed, every nerve in her body jangling. Reading Alicia's body language, Kalinda fucked her hard and a little rough. Alicia kept her eyes closed for most of it. As soon as she came, she jerked upright. “Thank you,” she said, not looking at Kalinda. Then she got up, threw on her clothes, and was gone before Kalinda could bring herself to speak, leaving her sitting on her bed, full of frustration and a lot of unanswered questions. 

It became an irregular pattern after that, Alicia showing up at random times on random days, always wanting the same thing – the safe oblivion of sex, no commitments and no repercussions. Kalinda spent all her evenings in a state of low-level arousal, wondering if Alicia was going to show up. She started turning down other dates and fuckbuddies, wanting to be free, just in case. 

And every time it was the same now, and wildly different from what they had had years ago. Alicia had been a slow, teasing lover then, someone who liked a lot of foreplay, a lot of kissing. Now foreplay was almost off the table, and Kalinda never even tried to kiss Alicia. She knew exactly how that would have gone over, and she wasn't interested in being shoved away. And Alicia had always been gentle before, and now she liked to hurt. Liked Kalinda to hurt her with too many fingers, moving too fast. And liked to hurt Kalinda in the same ways, those infrequent times when she reciprocated anything. Kalinda didn't know if Alicia knew how hot Kalinda found that, but she knew that either way Alicia wouldn't care. 

And really, it was so much easier this way. It wasn't just foreplay and kissing and gentleness that had once been there and were missing now; there was the talking. Alicia, as Kalinda had noted in a bar a million years ago, liked to talk about her life, and back then, Kalinda had been part of her life. There had been a lot of talking about what they were doing and why, what they were feeling and what their sleeping together _meant_ , and talking about what any relationship meant was one of Kalinda's least favorite things in the world. Sex with Alicia now was hardly any different from sex with random strangers she'd pick up at bars. If anything, the strangers liked to talk a little more. Much easier with Alicia, where Kalinda never had to shut that down, where they both knew exactly what they wanted and what they were going to take from one another. 

The only times that ever broke through the wall for Kalinda now were the times when Alicia would dig through Kalinda's dildos to find the most realistic one, mid-sized and veined and designed with a head, and hand it over in silent demand. Those times, Alicia wouldn't open her eyes at all. Kalinda had figured what was happening even before she saw Alicia's lips move one night in a silent O-shape: _Will_. After that Kalinda left off the perfume and kept a tight tank top on hand to keep her breasts out of the way, but even so, she wondered – was she really the best replacement for Will that Alicia could find? Surely there had to be, well, a guy out there who'd do the same thing for her that Kalinda was doing now?

And those were the times when emotion could overwhelm her. Jealousy for that man who didn't exist, the one Alicia might find soon. Frustration with herself – why was she feeling like this? When had she lost the knack of keeping sex in its own safe compartment? And the hope that would rise up was the worst of all, because she knew what Will had been to Alicia, and if she was the one Alicia was coming to as a replacement, even though she lacked some of the most basic organic parts, did that mean that... 

Part of Kalinda loved those times, loved the idea of being the new Will in a few ways she'd just as soon not look at. But either way Alicia always left as soon as they were done, and on those nights Kalinda was left with a moribund hope that was years old.

Much better for Alicia to be a stranger. Much easier not to talk. Much easier not to feel. 

Kalinda worked very hard at keeping it that way. Most of the time, she could manage it. The other times, she threw back a few extra shots of tequila to guard against dreams and willed it to not matter in the morning.


End file.
